They keep acting like they are either really or pretending messing around saying that to me people are not real, not who they are. Supposedly, someone I like did this, and this makes no sense. It just keeps coming, now. Whatever it is, it has come to this. I don't find it funny. I don't think I matter less than others. They pretty much are set in their ways of bad.
Supposedly, someone I like is saying bad things about/to me sometimes, and I guess that means they just misjudge me. Maybe it's age difference.
I have not done anything to anyone, but I am held up to strange expectations.
You might think it is not bad cuz they never are, but there were other things that were hard to cope with.
I see people can think for me and say I was never ready for anything better and never to catch me at the right time into changing into a better life maybe.. strange how I've been treated and what I've gone thru.
No offense, but I don't see myself as a bad person cuz I'm short and fat. It's like ballet, they knock you out if you're no good. I may not be ready for what others are.. but you know I think we always have fast food when we eat out cuz Ellen DeGeneres says, cuz I used to get upset at people singling me out and acting like I'm a "nigger" when I ate out etc. No one tried to be nice to me. They didn't matter if that's what they thought. I don't know if I did anything illegal in front of others. I don't exactly remember what all my bad reactions were. I'm also on psychotic pills I don't need which gave me diabetes. I know I also have high cholesterol and take pills. I don't take any shots for diabetes but was told I might need to later. I can't believe how heavy I look I know since the festival.
Disclaimer: No offense to anyone. I just noticed people have some complication and it has lead to this or someone I like thinks I need to be punished harshly or out of the relationship eventually maybe.
Anyway, so how could I lose weight with problems, some my responsibility I did not get into, with problems like this? My parents make me take the pills. I do notice lotta people judge weight, too, regardless of theirs. What is food for, anyway? I've not gotten to be very skinny long, but in some ways I seemed so sometimes. Why is this being decided for me like this? I was skinnier before too but ran into some trouble.
I think they said someone else I liked would have something to say, too, that's a tough situation that involves me they can manipulate, like I did something tho. People forget about me and suggest other things. I'm being tested, too, to not think some thing they thought and are pressuring me with. It's making me insane. It's not my thought.
Why is someone I like supposedly harboring deep, dark feelings against me? Like, who does that?
They may have a good message about something, but I'm still here and have to deal with it. I can kinda seem to tell it's Ellen DeGeneres. She shouldn't be in charge of things, like that. I don't know I can trust anyone "to be there for me." I mean, everything has 2 sides it seems. So, I'm not upset "about the good thing." I just feel I can't count on anything I'm doing.
Disclaimer: I don't wanna fight. I'm just wondering if this is really happening. Why tell me I don't deserve to know who real people really are? It's happening right and left. It seems like a joke for someone/others. I don't think it's okay like it doesn't matter, but other people have it good supposedly in this. I hope the length of this post does not offend. I do it to be careful and be sincere. It may be weird but hopefully not bad.
I wish I didn't feel inclined to post this, but it seems dangerous, like I owe people things for things I didn't make a bargain for.