I've been waiting kinda awhile and think it's too late. This is kinda stupid, I get rules that affect my private life.
I was hitting my punching bag and thought of something that made me feel good to do with others. I thought maybe they were talking to me. I didn't stop.
I was writhing on my sofa in frustration how I was being spied on. They mentioned a body part, and now things don't come on as much.
I could have had some big things going for me, but I never agreed to this, these rules. I understand if there is a real reason.
They are proceeding to doing away with my feeling okay.
You know what else, they took off a TV channel to get for now at least that relates to something miraculous that occurred to me, which seems to have been taken from me like it was given possibly.. because it is related to something else that happened supposedly.
All these silly rules cuz they can't think for themselves like I do. It just shows the pressure I get in my private life.
What am I gonna do? Just live and die like I don't matter? That seems to be their proposal for people's lives. My life meant something and it was my responsibility. I was nice to others and cared about them, tho people don't talk much to me.
They keep presenting me with threatening attacks. Like, they go all over and say I did something bad and it's like a lilt that I lost something I never had anyway.
You know, I don't have what I need in life or should have by today's standards. I can't find some rigorous exercise program I can easily access that satisfies me. I am saving money for a trip in November. Maybe, in December of January I can search on.
I feel like I'm gonna crumble, like the Wicked Witch of the West melting.
You know, there are a lotta things that seem right that others pretend is wrong, like me writing this and expecting a full life again.
I was supposed to be liberated. My dad "couldn't do it." People are all afraid of what he really wants, that it doesn't matter if I am hurt because of "the starving kids in Africa" etc. This is quite a problem, tho. I think people have been fighting for this, and it won't relieve itself.
Why can't I take out anger physically like anyone else? I never said anyone could bargain like this with me. What did I bet on? My eminent loss? That it doesn't matter because other people "don't have it?" No, no, no! That's not a new way of how to think. When people have accomplished a lot, they have certain needs, like food.
I don't want to blame anyone, but I don't like how this is going. I feel wounded. Duh, tho, yea?
Basically, I can't feel affection and fun and am being monitored so I don't.
I feel a little silly. I mean, hey, I still have it, my imagination. I'm feeling different, tho, too.
Something I really want is a rigorous exercise program, not so much into "yoga."
I will admit it was hard for me to imagine things. Doesn't your actions and others's opinions of you affect your life personally?
It's just me, pretty innocent, and this happens to me. I really cannot stand it. Maybe, that's the cause of my stress. I had a hard time in college and became something of a dropout. It was clearly when I was being spied on without emotional relief, maybe my fault, but I thought they had something for me soon. I feel I am being punished for flunking college, but I'm over 21. People are nasty to me. I feel like I'm a cat running in circles.
Every time I masturbate, too, the next day seems it could be tough in ways. It seems natural, in a way. I was just humoring myself and decided to do it. Maybe, just the thought I am prohibited at least something makes me aroused. Does exercise help prevent masturbation? Probably, but it's probably not enough of an ingredient to the recipe of preventing arousal from wanting to masturbate.
I'm just depressed, no matter how nice I am no one cares. I have other things like wanting to fix my room more. So, yea, I can't feel accomplished, and I greatly wanted for that. I wonder if I need to change my lifestyle. I know I have laundry from the hurricane. The pills make me sleep so much. My parents said I had to take them.
So, yea, I just wanted to feel a little silly and then I masturbated. I tried sleeping with no TV/music, and it isn't working yet.